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Goes under a couple different names, but of writers my age, this seems to be the most prevalent. Based on The Simpsons ep that was a Cape Fear riff. Sideshow Bob climbs out from under a car and steps on a rake. It smacks him. He mutters. He then steps three feet away . onto another rake. He mutters. ad-near-infinitum .

Kung Fu Monkey

Had an interesting moment talking to Alex Epstein the other day. We were discussing a script moment, I used a term, and he’d never heard of it. I realized that a.) if you don’t apprentice in one of the big writing rooms in LA, you’ve probably never heard any of these terms, and b.) the older writers who taught we staff newbies these tools are — especially with the nuclear winter of the half-hour — not around as much. A valuable sub-cultural tool is fast disappearing. Most movie writers have no experience of this whatsoever.

Not that you need to know these things to be a writer. But it just seems a pity to me that this great oral tradition is dying. One of my favorite moments happened during my first week at Cosby.

Saul Turtletaub (father of director Jon) and Bernie Orenstein had sort of taken me under their wing — having a stand-up around, rather than a film-school grad, reminded them of the old days of writing. During a run-through, Saul turned to Bernie and asked “Didn’t we use that joke on That Girl ?”

Beat. ” You were on That Girl ? ”

We then did the math, and realized that Saul and Bernie had started their first writing job together one week before my birth. I was, literally, their career.

Thirty-odd years of solving every script problem — and more importantly, every practical shooting script problem — imaginable. Couple that with a . hmm . chaotic shooting process, and it was boot camp. One of the best things to come out of staffing was learning that for many, many situations, there was a shorthand to help codify and communicate a problem in the script that was often tantalizingly just out of reach, just at the edge of your writer’s “something’s . off” radar.

So, put these in your toolbox. I’ll be collecting more as we go. All origins recorded as they were explained to me.

“a Bono”: a place in the script that, no matter what joke you put there, it fails.

Sonny Bono once opened a restaraunt up near the studios, called, of course, “Bono’s”. It failed, quickly. That’s unremarkable. But then, every restaraunt that opened on that corner after Bono’s also failed. Something like a DOZEN of them, and all flaming out spectacularly in six months. That corner was cursed, and so the script term “a Bono” was born. It’s hard to really explain a Bono to you unless you’ve seen one, but they’re real.

“A Nokamura”: When a large number of jokes are all predicated on a single, earlier joke. This can entail great risk.

Based on a Cheers episode. A day-player was named “Nokamura”. A vast chunk of the second act’s jokes were based on people mispronouncing, repeating, etc. the name “Nokamura.”

But the problem was, on tape night — the first mention of “Nokamura” didn’t get a laugh . This meant the rest of the jokes wouldn’t work. The rest of the show was shanked.

The worst thing about a Nokamura is that when the first joke fails, you as the writing staff know what’s coming . All you can do is watch in horror as your show unravels, the Nokamura too deeply entrenched to require anything but a complete between-tapings rewrite.

(Note: We have recent e-mails suggesting the origin of this term was actually The Bob Newhart Show . We are investigating)

“Up and Back” : When the characters or plot go through high drama/high action scenes, but neither their emotional arc nor the story arc are advanced.

Pops up a lot in action movies or sitcoms, where the focus is often on the gag rather than the story. Usually delivered in a regretful tone while looking at the scene breakdown on the whiteboard. “Kind of an up and back, isn’t it?”

“The Rake Bit” : Something that’s funny, goes on too long so it’s not funny, then goes on so long that it becomes INCREDIBLY funny.

Goes under a couple different names, but of writers my age, this seems to be the most prevalent. Based on The Simpsons ep that was a Cape Fear riff. Sideshow Bob climbs out from under a car and steps on a rake. It smacks him. He mutters. He then steps three feet away . onto another rake. He mutters. ad-near-infinitum .

“a Squiggy” or “the ‘hello’ gag” : From Laverne & Shirley . Can only be defined by example.

Laverne (crossing to door): “What sort of degenerate freak would agree to that?”
Squiggy (door opens): “He-looooo.”

This is a variation of but distinct from .

“the Gilligan cut” : When you cut directly from a character declaring there’s no way he’s going to do something, to him doing it, for comedic effect.

Also called “the flip joke” , but I’ve heard this usage, and it’s more interesting nomenclature. Thanks to Jacob at Yankee Fog.

(previously listed as ” the red dress “, This name comes from the way it was always described to me: a burly guy saying”There’s no way I’m going to get into a red dress and pretend to be your wife”. SMASH CUT to . you get the idea.)

“a Van Dyke” : leaving a scene, usually a party scene, early and then starting the next scene with a phone conversation which elaborates and expands the previous scene while also introducing new information. A nice bit of shorthand.

From, of course, the Dick Van Dyke show. You’d leave the party scene at the point of, say, Laura downing her third drink and Rob realizing she was out of control. You’d then come back to Rob on the phone the next day, talking to Buddy: “Yes. Yes, all of them. And a pony! What? The producer I’m trying to impress was there ? Why didn’t you tell me!” *

“on the roof” : A character or bit that hasn’t been written out yet, but is on double secret probation before shoot day.

I’m proud to say, this is my own little contribution to the lexicon, which I’ve learned has travelled to other shows. Based the old joke:

When, after the table read, a day-player just isn’t up to snuff, or a bit lays there, a lot of times you know it’ll never see the light of day on the shoot, but you just haven’t come up with anything to replace it — yet . That bit/actor is “on the roof.”

Well, there you have it. I’ve contacted some of my older writer friends, and we’ll see if we can’t build the list. Any other staff writers, feel free to toss me an e-mail at kfmonkey@gmail.com and submit terms I don’t know.

Hopefully this is a nice change of pace from the usual “start the scene late, leave early” entry in all the other screenwriting blogs. Enjoy.

(NOTE: Hey Defamer-ites and others. For those looking for more Jargon, you can get to the second post through the homepage of Kung Fu Monkey. For a quick tour of the site and some of the readers’ favorite bits, go to Index-Fu.)

(NOTE on the NOTE: We’re now up to three posts on this. Please hop to the main page and check the index, particularly if you want to pitch a new one, to see if it’s already covered.)

* (Oh, and if those names mean nothing to you and you’re a comedy writer, go learn a little history You’re part of a tradition, for chrissake).

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I’m inclined to think this is poetic license by Gary to replicate a Biblical David and Goliath situation. But before I house rule this to rectify what I see as a physics error, I am curious to see if anyone out there knows of a solid argument why a sling should do more damage to a large target than it does to a small/medium one. Maybe I’m completely wrong about slings.

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In many early editions of D&D, weapons were assigned two damage values: one for small/medium targets (i.e. man-sized) and one for large targets (giants and such).

On the whole, it more or less breaks down like this:

large piercing/slashing weapons do more damage vs. large targets than they do vs. small/medium targets
small piercing/slashing weapons do equal or less damage vs. large targets than they do vs. small/medium targets
blunt force weapons of any size do equal or less damage vs. large targets than they do vs. small/medium targets

Conversely, a small piercing weapon, like an 8″ dagger, in either case would only rip through 8″ of flesh. For the human, this is 67% of the total depth of the abdomen, while for the giant this is only 33% of the abdomen’s depth — thereby doing proportionally less damage to the large target.

Similarly, a blunt force weapon should do, at most, the same damage to a small/medium or large target, and possibly less to a large target, since the force of the blow is the same in all cases, while the large target would theoretically have a thicker muscle wall protecting its organs and bones against anything that gets around the armor.

Here though, is the conundrum. All the old rules that I’m aware of (including Greyhawk, AD&D and clones like my favorite, Iron Falcon) that use this differentiation of damage between small/medium or large targets list sling projectiles (in AD&D specifically sling bullets) as doing more damage vs. large targets than they do vs. small/medium targets.

I can’t get my head around this, since the sling projectile is a blunt force weapon, and a very small one at that. In theory it shouldn’t really penetrate per se, and the normal principles of blunt force weapons should apply (i.e. it should do no more than equal damage vs. a large target, possibly less).

Even if I’m mistaken here and it does penetrate, perhaps due to its high speed, I don’t see how a small, blunt projectile could possibly go deeper through the thicker hide, thicker muscle, and thicker bones of a large target than it would through those of a smaller target, when the force of impact from a given slinger will be the same in all cases. In short, I can’t see any rationale for why the sling projectile would do more damage to the large target than it does to a small/medium one.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

The increased damage in AD&D is for Sling Bullets not for sling stones. So Gygax must have rethought the issue since the release of the Greyhawk supplement.

As for the physic issue is all about F=MA and how flexible the surface of the impacted object is.

https://physics.stackexchange.com/questions/18423/conservation-of-momentum-leading-to-damage
If it flexes too fast then the surface break allowing the force to start working on the internal structure thus causing internal injury. During all this the energy of the blow is being dissipated as it travels inside the body.

A giant’s body isn’t fundamentally different other than it has more mass. Since the mass of the weapon is the same, since the acceleration imparted by the wielder is the same. Then the damage is the same irregardless of the mass of the object. The only difference in the case of a giant version of a creature is that the surface layers may be thicker, enough to that the flex point is different compared to a normal sized human. I.e. you may be cutting/piercing/bludgeoning a thicker layer of skin and fat than a normal size human.

But D&D doesn’t model that nor does it need too. All of this can be abstracted by assigning more hit points to a giant sized creature. Maybe by also bumping up Armor Class by +1 or +2.

My view is that I find varying damage by size to be overkill in terms of D&Dish mechanics. The size of the creature should result in more hit points and if tough skin is a factor then consider a boot in AC.

Thanks for the link regarding conservation of momentum. That said, wouldn’t that mean that either the sling should not do more damage vs. a large creature, or else that all blunt force weapons should do more damage vs. large creatures? In other words, it still doesn’t address the question of “what is special about the sling?”

I agree that primary difference between a large and a small/medium creature is mass (though of course depth is a factor too, as above allowing for the possibility of a longer wound tract not possible in a smaller creature); and while that mass in most cases would mean thicker muscle walls, thicker sternum, skull etc., I agree that that is best modeled by better AC/hit points.

That being said, the increased weapon damage for some weapons vs. large creatures is not about modeling that. It’s about making certain weapons more effective vs. those big guys, rather than making the big monsters tougher. It’s about humans using a tool to mitigate their own size disadvantage in a fight. Mechanically, I have no trouble with the varying damage by target size. From a game perspective, it’s not a particularly cumbersome rule (players simply have to note two damage stats for their weapons). And I find the idea has appeal since it gives some much-needed love to the fighter types (and to a lesser extent the thief) since they’re the only ones who can use the weapons that do more damage to large creatures.

That David used a sling against a giant may be enough to justify the general increase in damage. Depends on the DM I guess.

I mean, this is obviously just a fun little David and Goliath easter egg, right? Might as well keep it, it’s neat.

Yeah, but the inconsistency with the sling just irks me a bit and I can’t help myself. 🙂

In my opinion, this is too granular. You’re not doing it wrong but I would eschew this analysis in favor of speed of play.

Hi Scott. The analysis is really just for my own nerdy edification really. Back in high school when my friends and I played AD&D (or AD&D-ish — since we did drop out a lot of cumbersome stuff like AD&D’s convoluted initiative, weapons vs. armor type and such), we did use variable damage by monster size. It doesn’t slow down play in the slightest. Instead of noting one damage range for each weapon on the character sheet, players just list two of them. In play, there’s no impact.

Yes, we did it too. I’ve dropped it as an adult. There’s nothing wrong with keeping it.

My fighters stay relevant with different kludges, including social advantages and including stopping at level 11. Wizards tend to take off around level 7 but fighting men stay relevant.

That’s a good way to keep the fighters relevant too.

That was damn interesting, the penetration of weapons!

I have little to add, but interesting analysis.

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